We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
