Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
