I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
