I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
