Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
