Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
