I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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