careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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