"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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