So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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