Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
