you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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