I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize