I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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