You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
