i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
