goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
