nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
