This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
