Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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