I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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