You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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