positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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