47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
