hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I deserve this hangover.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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