i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I could fuck to npr.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
