All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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