id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
