can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
