I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
