am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
