when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
