If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
