If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
