just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
