You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
