just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize