Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
