This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize