when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
