I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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