so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
