Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
