I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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