he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
