your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want nice things and good sex
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
