I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
