Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
