This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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