forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
