Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
