I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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