Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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