My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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