At least make sure they are 18
Why
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
