It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
