it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
