Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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