I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
