dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
