I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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