I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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