just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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