if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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