Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
