I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
