Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
