Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
