i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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