the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
