my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
