Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
