im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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