so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
