i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
