Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
