and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
