Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
