i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
