I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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