Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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