So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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