New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
